Hands up males 15 and older who have never viewed any porn.
I don’t think there’s too many hands raised, if we were being truly honest with ourselves .
This question does not suggest we deliberately seek out and watch porn, but simply viewed it, for any brief period of time. It’s hard to escape. It’s everywhere . It can pop up on your computer screens without seeking it. In fact, I vaguely recall once as an adolescent lad in the 1970’s I was watching a cricket test match on the television. I think Australia may have been playing England as it was a dull and boring game. Somehow the television station was metaphorically ‘hijacked’ and for a very brief moment a segment of porn was flashed on the screen. It only lasted maybe 2 or 3 seconds before it was cut, but it is an illustration of how the entire Australian cricket-watching community was subjected to a viewing they were obviously unprepared for. As a shy, awkward, unconfident young teenager, this was fantastic, and I remained glued to the television, hopeful the station would be kind enough to show a re-run, much to my disappointment. If this can happen in the pre-internet era on a television , what hope is there to escape unsolicited porn on a computer in today’s world?
A 2016 research article by Zimbardo, Wilson and Coulombe indicates the average adolescent male, in this current easily accessible internet-era, has viewed about 1400 porn sessions prior to his first real-life sexual experience. Isn’t that just mindboggling?? Don’t these boys sleep or go to school?? You have to wonder what the consequences of this is on their social-sexual development. Well, the research shows quite overwhelmingly that enormous damage is done. Of primary note, their libido drops way off and these adolescents have trouble developing or sustaining erections. They can obtain erections whilst watching porn, and masturbate to their heart’s content, but in the real world they can’t seem to rise to the occasion. A 2014 study found 16% of high school student who view porn on a weekly basis have low sexual desire compared to those who don’t view porn. So it’s becoming evident a strong positive correlation exists between online porn use in adolescents and erectile dysfunction , which perpetuates and advances itself well into the adult years. There’s a reasonable argument that the younger you start viewing porn, the more debilitating the consequences in adolescence and adulthood. Indeed, I have a few current clients who fall into this category. Healthy, strong young men, great physiques, who you would think by looking at them they would be virile and dominant in the sex department, however their marriages are collapsing as they can’t get an erection and share a sex-life. Their wives / partners are at the stage they wish to start a family. So you can only imagine the frustration, disappointment, anger, anxiety that results and takes over the relationship. These particular clients of mine commenced viewing porn at age 13 or 14.
The brain seems to desensitise not only from our partners, as he/she is just not as sexy, beautiful, erotic as the girls/guys in the porn videos, but we also desensitise to the porn content itself. What starts off as sexy, soon becomes mundane and boring. Our neurology changes. So we seek out more stimulation and excitement with our viewing. It’s not surprising why some men get themselves into legal problems viewing the illegal porn sites. It’s also not surprising that porn users report intimacy and attachment difficulties in ‘real-life’ relationships, social disconnect and withdraw, and too frequently experience the mental health disturbances of depression and anxiety.
So the question begging to be asked is, “how do men steal their manhood back”? How are we able to reclaim erections and orgasms with our partners, something that had gone AWOL during our jolly voyeurism phases or years? What are you prepared to give up, and obtain in return? Come on guys, it’s not rocket science. Obviously, changing those unhelpful behaviours, interrupting those patterns when you have cravings or urges, and, if in a relationship, developing a more respectful, healthy, and mindfully-enriched relationship with your partner would be a good starting point. I’m not suggesting it’s easy, like beating any addiction, but it is certainly very do-able. I think you would be surprised what internal resources you actually have and experience, when you develop a more positive sense of yourself, and wanting a different future. The help is out there. Be a man and reclaim your life.
Peter Tryhorn is a clinical psychologist in Australia. You can view his website and Beating Porn Addiction membership site at www.abacuspsych.com.au
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